There is always sunshine after the rain.

...and if you're lucky, there might even be a rainbow. That's how the world is. Dark before light, day after night. So if you see how the world is, you'll understand it has to rain sometimes, somehow. When the rain stops, you'll see it is not so bad after all because you'll realise it is the rain that gives life together with the sun. You'll see the tadpoles in the ponds and fields. You'll see the trees are greener. The air fresher. etc. Without the rain, the sun is only going to dry us up. What i'm saying is, you have not lived if you haven't played in the rain. or kiss. ;)

P/s: i jumped for joy @ 8:44pm.

Fertile Minds

The body is weak.
The mind is heavy.
The soul is lost.
The heart is weary.
But i will push on through
& finish what i set out to do.

The music of the wounded heart.
The ballet of pen upon paper.
A moving performance of words dancing line after line to captivate that little heart

Silent Screaming Blur.

For the tiniest moment it's all not true. Bollocks! What's going on? How many weeks now? What day is it? I love _____ invariably. i do. This is really tough because i'm a dickhead. It seems circumstances are always harsh with me. My hands, i wish they were there to... So everybody, easy conclusion, at the top of my lungs now: Sleep 4ever satu! please. and teh amnesia sekali.

God, please shout siap!


P/s: tears won't leave him alone.

Before the sun rises

It's killing me and somehow or the other i don't mind it that i'm going crazy. But hey, i should, or shouldn't i? Does she have at least a bit of care left? Because i'm hoping i won't wake up from my next sleep or if i do, i hope i have major amnesia. So i will forget everything.

BUT THEN AGAIN..

i never want to forget.
the nicest thing.
how i felt whole again.
how she made me whole.
how we became accidental best friends.

fact: 01

sometimes a simple text saying " baby, i miss you." will definitely shoo all the pain away.
sometimes a simple gesture like calling up and ask how are you will definitely chase all the crankyness away.
sometimes a simple surprise like just popping out of nowhere will definitely soothe the heartsore.
sometimes the small things is enough to make me feel whole.

too bad most of the time, she just doesn't see it.

i miss the talks on the phone.
i miss the playful msges.
i miss the little suprises.
i miss the can i change my mind? smses.
i miss the bubble getaways from the world.
i miss the silence when i'm sitting beside you.
i miss the attention and affection.
i miss the eri budak action convos.
i miss the good old times.

too bad she doesn't feel it as much as i do.
does she?

Now,
I wish i was special.

credits: Ms Lauren

Bagaimana Caranya

Bagaimana caranya untuk
agar kau mengerti bahwa
aku rindu

Bagaimana caranya untuk
agar kau mengerti bahwa
aku cinta

Impregnated Mind

I can't help my mind tonight. Like it's been for the past 2weeks or probably more .Maybe the c.leftovers is taking its final bite at me before it finally leaves me alone. Tonight every indecisiveness & short attention span problem in me is accelerated.

I can't even complete a task such as turning the light off without getting distracted to do a lot of something else one after the other. It's like i walked around my room to do something there, something here. However, every time i reached each area, i decide to switch off the light. Then when i reach the switch, i decide i want to go do something there or here. It keeps going like more than 6times. Until i finally decide to light a cancer and just smoke in the lighted bedroom. Then i can't decide whether to smoke in the dark or light. Here we go again for a few more times of the walk back & forth rountine.

Then when i'm trying to think about something, it keeps changing channels. Thought about this then that then this again. That and that again.

Come on lah, give me a break already. It's like there are so many people living inside my body. This minute i'm this person, the next minute i'm someone else. Minutes, literally.

I've got so many minds now but at this moment, before i finally post this, the strongest voice is telling me "i'm worried about her mum. and for her too. And when i don't know what is happening, it feels much worse. i wish i could do something because it makes me feel like dying to know i am incapable of doing anything to make all the pain be forgotten."

Never lose that feeling

I don't know why i'm still here fighting myself? He could always be the victor. He's a master of indifference. The one without a heart.

I'm left here trying hard to speak and fighting with my weak hand. I dived into the deep end and she became my best friend. You and me are floating on a tidal wave, together.

And eikkz once reminded me, "What happened to the 'I Don't Want To Stop Fighting For Us'?"

Beginnings of 2010

2009 was a really confused year for most people i know. To name a few; eikkz, dave, Mr T., Ms Lauren, Lord Wemphir, and most probably my parents. Sorry Masha & Fasha for the one after another episode. I get the idea that it is rather confusing for the feelings you had to feel on that particular day in October. You know we didn't mean to. I hope 2010 brings in happiness for everyone or at least bright ideas for us to kill the pain.

So 2010, i should be getting back on track and not making tracks anymore. If you know what i mean. To start off, in phase 1, i would like to lay in bed, do nothing and go out just to drink water or so because my tummy's being an ass right now. It's like my tummy's on a strike or a no food policy. Everything i eat comes right back out from the two holes like within minutes. Either puking or liquid waste. Nothing can get digested now. I'm feeling super weak and tired but these eyes would not get sleepy. Arsehole tau, these things.

Phase 2, once i get my pay make enough moneh, i'd like to pay up some outstanding debts and also go to the doctor/hospital. Well, it's probably gonna cost quite a bomb since i've got to get 3things diagnosed. Especially that annoying illness that's been bugging me since November. Need to be rich to be sick or insane. E-yer. Oh and start fitting in religious obligations into the equation. Been away for quite a long while.

What a way to start a new year huh!?

coma

Feels like i've been sleeping for days. I've finally woken up from this coma. But i'm still weak and dazed. My monster eyes all glazed. What do i make of the things that almost killed me? And all the crazy things. They were only happening up in my ruined little head. How did i lose myself? I've always screwed up but never this bad before. I've never done anything significant. But at the end of the day, the best help is to help myself.

However, I still need you. I really do. But i'm just going to be here, i'm one call away. Dial up my number, if there's anything at all. I swear i won't talk because its not about me. Tt's selfish. From here onwards, i'm all about you. I'm all ears even if its just for listening to you breathe.

Once more. With feelings

The total lack of concern that drives me to the wall.
The words i say that keeps getting misunderstood.
The things you say that are never supported by actions.
A distant star i could never see but is constantly around.
Are you that star now?

Oh Well, Do you even care?