Impregnated Mind
I can't help my mind tonight. Like it's been for the past 2weeks or probably more .Maybe the c.leftovers is taking its final bite at me before it finally leaves me alone. Tonight every indecisiveness & short attention span problem in me is accelerated.
I can't even complete a task such as turning the light off without getting distracted to do a lot of something else one after the other. It's like i walked around my room to do something there, something here. However, every time i reached each area, i decide to switch off the light. Then when i reach the switch, i decide i want to go do something there or here. It keeps going like more than 6times. Until i finally decide to light a cancer and just smoke in the lighted bedroom. Then i can't decide whether to smoke in the dark or light. Here we go again for a few more times of the walk back & forth rountine.
Then when i'm trying to think about something, it keeps changing channels. Thought about this then that then this again. That and that again.
Come on lah, give me a break already. It's like there are so many people living inside my body. This minute i'm this person, the next minute i'm someone else. Minutes, literally.
I've got so many minds now but at this moment, before i finally post this, the strongest voice is telling me "i'm worried about her mum. and for her too. And when i don't know what is happening, it feels much worse. i wish i could do something because it makes me feel like dying to know i am incapable of doing anything to make all the pain be forgotten."
HD kid suck at 5:43:00 AM
1 Comments:
First Cry: 13 February 1987
How I wish I could let myself out to fall in love with you all over again. You make me feel special knowing that there is someone out there that actually know me. But at the same time, I’m having mixture of feelings of both happy and sad.
Me and you, we grow up together to be 2 complete different people heading different ways. Never thought I would ever let my guards down by saying you were my world, you had been loved, and it’s you that I miss.
I don’t know
I don’t care and
I don’t bother
Anything about you
I am …Tyrant. I don’t speak mushy stuffs
********
1988 March 24: First Cry
Since I think that I know you almost inside out, being in this cycle all over again, just scare me. Almost 7 years has past, I guess I am able to find ways to communicate and understand you which I think so far no other ladies has ever understand the way I did. No one has ever been through what i have been through.
Never imagine I could say I want your body so close to mine. It is obviously very wrong for me to imaging you by my side what more say it you. If I could turn back time, it will be the time you used to call me boo.
But deep down, that’s what you care about the most.
The idea of you saying, “I’m worry about you,” just strike to you that you might seems, weak, vulnerable, inferior to others.
Yet I know, you will always be my …Katak, past present and future.
Please…sssHHhh… *my fingers close to your lips, my body move closer and closer yearning for you*
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