Crash

I'm blessed in many areas but i never quite appreciated those blessings or chances i get but i can still afford to be generous. I've made a peace offer with someone who was on the edgy side. I've forgiven the mistake of underestimating me even though i never heard an apology 'cause i know i can do better and that matters. I've apologised first because partly, it was my fault too. At least i think so or is this one of my fragile-i-don't-wanna-lose-you behaviour?

I've stopped biting my tongue. The relevant individual have already known my most naked & sacred thoughts as she dives into my soul at the library. She still has to let me see the list. That was the deal, anyway.

Currently, I'm bracing myself as i take the routes i used to travel. I'm just letting 15year old me come out. Relationship-wise. It's rather unnerving as i try my best not to be a tyrant, to go out there and expose myself to agony. I've done selfless things before, a few more couldn't kill me. I guess? So i played my cards like an honest hero as i break down the walls that had imprisoned me for four years. I've stop detaching myself from emotions. I was about to lay myself I've laid myself before you raising the stakes on this bet. I assure you, i won't fail. I've never did. All the other times it didn't work out, it wasn't my fault because i've never believed in giving up. Until today i don't know why they leave without trying. I'm ashamed too sometimes.
BUT NOW
i kind of get the grip why they do. I seem to understand it more as i notice that if the other party never stops to listen, they person calling out will soon lose their voice and stop calling. One might never give up but does one listens closely? I feel like i want to disappear as i lose my voice. Or should i play it safe until I'm absolutely positive of risking it all? (sometimes i wish the confession sessions system i made with Peq will work with you. I've never tried thou but i have a feeling it wouldn't. It involves more than two. You need a mediator or a group. I am a part of 3 too.) Anyway it's bbr&r for me so for a chance to be with you, I'll gladly risk it all.

I know i've got a lot of stuffs on my heart right now and i'm trying to give myself some space as certain things aren't taking up shape yet. I'll drive slow now so i won't crash.

P/S: I'm waiting for my carousel candy tin.