The Outsider

I don't really know why but it feels like i have lost you. Babe, I've missed you all this while and it's not helping that i can totally relate to the song "Where'd you go? by Fort Minor" when it came on the radio this afternoon. At a moment when i was actually thinking of you. I had to ask myself why i decided to switch on the radio in the first place. Is it pure coincidence that i was bored? Or...were my thoughts fated to be mocked by the media?

And i miss those times when i can just dial you up, or even text you my experiences at any particular time. Be it day or night. I felt alive at those moments because someone was always there to listen as proof of my existence. The thing is i have never been really acknowledged even when i was in school or work. My name was never printed on the class list and my payslip never reaches the right place where i was working at. And i never had a birthday where i was cherished with gifts like anyone else because i've never had a proper celebration and you know that, don't you? All i had was your voice helping me to not feel so alone. To at least feel that i'm not actually a ghost but, i guess, you are no longer reading the things i write. I'm just changing into some background noise.

As i see it now, the pact we made has ceased to exist or failed to put its ideals to practice as much as i have failed to put my thoughts to action. I slowly become that outsider, the one we always used to criticize for his lack of manliness. Those guys who will bow down to please you, the ones with the senseless sweet messages. The kind that used to give you goosebumps. It is as though i walk amongst them now.